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The Colbert Report

Richard Engel News/Business. Richard Engel. (2013) Journalist Richard Engel. (CC)




San Francisco, CA, USA

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Stephen 34, Us 6, New York 5, U.s. 4, Syria 4, Richard Engel 4, Egypt 2, North Korea 2, Nbc News 2, Boston 1, Korea 1, Milan 1, New York City 1, Hirohito 1, United States 1, Dang 1, Puzzies 1, Ketchup 1, Elmo 1, Teleporting 1,
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  Comedy Central    The Colbert Report    Richard Engel  News/Business. Richard  
   Engel.  (2013) Journalist Richard Engel. (CC)  

    April 19, 2013
    6:55 - 7:25pm PDT  

right there. the tail, rotor, whatever the helicopter people call it. let's see what you do. follow me on twitter so we can live chat during the show, keep up with comedy and buy stuff from our store. come see me in vegas. the mirrage, i'm there a lot. tickets go on sale february 3rd from my standup tour. 17 new u.s. cities, with special guests. i get that off the no fly list. we have been away a couple months. i missed news stories, here's some stuff that happened, russell brand and katy perry got sick of each other as we are of them. maybe they realized how freakish misshaped each other's heads are. >> mark sachez threw passes at his receivers feet. nick sabin said if something is hard, you can always quit and find another way to be successful. a key witness in the jerry
sandusky trial died mysterious the president of china retired. "moneyball" marked the final performance of one of the best actors. you will be missed fat jonah hill. we learned the dangers of texting while driving a cruiseship, our soldiers showed they can piss whoever the hell they want. i'm todd came out of the pot cast. i can no longer be friends with you, but i am proud of you. good night, america. hello, milan! [ applause ] captioning sponsored by comedy central
( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome to the report, everybody. thank you so much for joining us. thank you, folks. i appreciate it, ladies and gentlemen. thank you. >> stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! >> stephen: please, folks we've got to get going. it has been three days and concrete information about the terror attack attacks in bostons been slow in coming. luckily, there is one news outlet that doesn't let lack of facts get in the way of reporting them. of course, that's the "new york post." today, they ran this cover story showing two men from the marathon crowd under the headline "bag men: feds seek these two pictured at boston marathon." so be on the lookout for these guys. ( laughter ) and while you're on the lookout for these guys, keep in mind, these are not the guys.
( laughter ). turns out, it was these other guys. >> we are releasing photos of these two suspects. they are identified as suspect 1 and suspect 2. somebody out there knows these individuals as friends, neighbors, coworkers or family members of the suspects. >> stephen: you heard him. if you know either of these individuals-- perhaps as friends, perhaps as coworkers, or maybe you went to high school with someone named suspect 1 or suspect 2, go to and speaking of tips, quick tip of the hat to the "new york post" for accusing these two innocent men of a horrible crime because anyone can print accurate information. but the "post" always follows the four ws of journalism, who, whatever, and why wait? ( cheers and applause ) nation, one of the problems with doing a show like this with absolutely no help from anyone
else is that if i leave, it crumbles. so i can't go out and cover stories from dangerous places like my guest tonight richard engel. besides, what if i get to syria and they don't have my brand of conditioner? ( laughter ) now, i thought about sending out a correspondent, but who could i trust to represent me? and there was one guy from the "daily show." but he's got his own program now. >> and hear he's a bit of a prima donna. ( laughter ) and i would love, love to be out among you, the common folk. the unwashed masses, but i'm so famous now, i can't even go for a walk here in new york city. but then, i remembered, a piece of technology i invented last year while interviewing documentarian errol morris. when you interview people you're not in the room with them. you actually have a screen that you're looking at with your face on it while you ask them
questions? >> that's right. >> stephen: inspired by that i created something che ask-o-matic. it's an ipad hot glued to a bucket. ( laughter ). ( applause ) well, folks, since i debuted the ask-o-matic, all right-- ( cheers and applause ) -- since i debuted this cutting edge technology, the good folks at colbert labs have come up with a game-changing innovation-- a second bucket. now, why is it better? first of all, it's double the buckets. and i can put an iphone inside this bucket. and using face time i can put my face on the outside of the second bucket, thereby teleporting my head on to somebody else's body. and allowing me to be everywhere without going anywhere. ( laughter )
recently, i put this exciting new technology into action. i called on my reliable and expendable intern jay for the bucket maiden voyage. ( laughter ) it felt wonderful to get out and breathe some fresh air. finally, here was my chance to see new york, new york, the city so nice i'd actually seen very little of it. to connect with my fellow new yorkers, i decided to head straight to where all real new w yorkers hang out-- times square. hi. what's up! how you doing? what's up, my sister! people were a bit stand-offish
at first, no doubt because i'm famous. so i decided to spend a little time with my fellow celebrities. do you have the express written permission of the henson company to be wearing this outfit right now? all you're saying is la-la-la. "l" is for lawyer, elmo, and you're going to need one. see you in jail, guys. let's see what you've got here. you have that one right there. i'll just grab that magazine. how much is this magazine? i'd like to have it. >> $3. >> stephen: i'll give you $1. this is part of your culture, right? >> not part of a culture. >> jay, get out of there, go, go. get the hell out of here. eventually, i blended in with everyone else, and even made a few friends. ( laughter ) >> hi. i'm danielle. >> david ?r david.
>> stephen: you can go now, david hi! hugs! hugs! this is totally fine. i'm not even there. thank you, excellent. what do you do in times square? do-- should we just hang out until the ball drops? >> no, i'm actually-- i'm a street musician. >> stephen: oh, really what, do you play? >> woodwind. >> stephen: do you have your oboe with you? >> no i don't have my oboy. i have my saxophone at home. >> stephen: saxophone is not a wood instrument it's a bass instrument >> a woodwind. >> stephen: a woodwind is like an obone. i don't want to fight. >> you can't fight because you're in there. >> stephen: oh, i can fight you. look, i'm going to push you on your shoulder. listen, you want to fight right now, bernard. >> i don't know who the guy is in there, but you know, i'll whip his ass. >> stephen: i say we fight right now. or you're a coward. you're a-- you're a brass
instrument-playing coward. >> i'm going to whip your friend's ass, i'm tell you right now. >> stephen: ( cluck ) >> don't get that guy in trouble? >> why because he'll push out shoulder again? do did it. do it. >> i'm going to dust this guy off, man. i'm trying to tell you, man. >> stephen: what brings you to the big apple? >> it's my first time here. we went to see "wicked" last night. >> stephen: are you going to score any weed? >> i don't know about that? >> >> stephen: just make sure you do it legally by asking a cop where to smoke pot. ( laughter ). i doped up quite an appetite. mmm-mmm-mmm. yes, my good man, hello, where are you from? >> i'm from egypt. >> stephen: you're from egypt. >> do you want some ketchup? >> >> stephen: no, ketchup is
for puzzies. got it, got it, right. hi, i'm steve c. i love ice cream. and i love giant heads and tiny bodies. ( laughter ) there was just one more item left on my times square bucket list. perhaps one of these young ladies could make my dreams come true. ♪ ♪ ( laughter ) i had never felt more alive. my day in the city was more than i had ever hoped for. ♪ start spreading the news
i'm leaving today ♪ i want to be a part of it new york, new york ♪ these ba-da-bum something or other good day ♪ right to the very heart of it new york, new york. gloat ba-ba, with a bucket on my head. ♪ da-da just my face ♪ da-da red. ♪ i'm back at my place. i'm sitting on a couch in my office ♪ where i feel safe. i can make it anywhere ♪ if i just stay right back hee ♪ where i'm actually sittin wih a bucket on my head
♪ da-da-da. . >> da-da-da. well, that abou does it. if it's one thing i learned from my journey today it's deep down we're all really just a-- dang it. we'll be right back. hello? hello? hello? what's going on?
>> stephen: welcome back, everybody, thank you so much. nation, i'm sure you agree with me that it is a proud day to be an american because thanks to a minority of u.s. senate, we no longer have to live in fear of some maniac coming after those we love with a gun control bill. ( laughter ) jim. >> on wednesday, the senate blocked the most far-reaching gun control legislation in two decades. >> it needed 60 votes. it got 54. >> the gun control package is stopped cold in the senate. >> stephen: that's right! we cannot d didn't do it! whooo! ( cheers ) jimmy, jimmy, where's my balloon
drop? and, folks, we achieved this victory, despite relentless pressure from special interest grieving parents being used as props by generalissimo glock-snatch over here who, following the defeat, took to the rose garden. >> those who care deeply about preventing more and more gun violence will have to be as passionate and as organized and as vocal as those who blocked these commonsense steps to help keep our kids safe. and i see this as just round one. >> stephen: just round one? so we have to limit the size of our ammo magazines but you get as many round as you want? ( laughter ) luckily, 45 brave senators stood tall to protect what they homeland most precious their "a"
rating from the n.r.a., like republican senator and brylcreem storage facility ted cruz who fought this background check bill because he knows it would puttous an inevitable path to a national gun registry, even though it's not proposed in the bill. right? >> it is not currently proposed, but if the bill that is being considered were adopted, it would put us on that path. >> stephen: yes, just because the bill doesn't propose a gun registry, doesn't mean it won't eventually happen. remember, there's also nothing in the rule book that says a golden retriever can't play basketball. ( laughter ). although, under current law, it can buy a gun. ( laughter ). and the heroes-- folks, the heroes were not just republicans. four brave democrats joined in. including alaska senator mark
begich. who celebrated his vote to kill background checks saying, "it's dangerous to do any type of policy in an emotional moment." yes, true leadership is waiting until the moment has passed. ( laughter ). that's why i've always believed that we should have waited until 1950 to declare war on japan. ( laughter ) you know, when things have cooled off, but no, old speed racer over here just could not wait to take away hirohito's guns. never again. and i especially want to salute senate majority leader wayne lapierre. he delivered a huge victory for a misunderstood minority, the 8% of americans who are against universal background checks. now, some say anyone who would oppose keeping dwuns out of the handed of murderers and the mentally ill are outside of the mainstream, perhaps even psychologically unsound themselves, but we'll never know. because thanks to 45 senators,
there will be no background checks. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) óww]wnçnçç>wiwiooçoç.
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this. >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. my guest tonight is the chief foreign correspondent for nbc news until jimmy fallon takes over in 2014. please welcome richard engel! ( cheers and applause ) a it's good to see you again. all right, all right. you are the peabody and emmy award-winning chief foreign correspondent for nbc news. also of author of two books and a recent article called "the hostage" in "vanity fair" magazine, talking about when you were taken hospital in syria. where have you just come back from? >> south korea. i just got off the plane today. >> stephen: really? how do they see the tension in the korean peninsula? over here we're looking at that kim-- kim jungun as like the
crazy cousin who talks, you know, when he comes to thanksgiving dinner and says, i've got nuclear weapons." >> i hate when that happens. >> stephen: are they scared over there? >> on a day-to-day basis, not at all. you see people who are very casual. they are going about their business. nothing was closed. children were going to school. over the long term, they're very worried. over the long term this is the biggest strategic threat south korea faces. >> stephen: this guy could actually push the button. >> yeah. there are nearly 30,000 american troops in that country not for no reason. they're there because the north is considered a threat. >> stephen: have you been to north korea? >> i have. this time last year i was in north korea. >> stephen: is it lovely? what is-- ( laughter ) it's springtime. what's it like? >> it's like going back there time. you're going back to the 40s. you're going back to what feels like eastern europe or the soviet union in the days of stalin. that's what it feels like. >> stephen: do they hate us? do they really hate us, like the
people? >> no, the people-- it's very difficult to communicate with people directly, but i found olutely no hostility. >> stephen: do you speak koean? >> i don't speak korean. >> stephen: that could be one the reasons why. ( laughter ). >> that wasn't the only reason. it was difficult to communicate with them because you don't get time alone with them. every time you go somewhere you'rewith a minder. when we're out on the street, if you want to go to find a public bathroom, the minder will walk you, stand outside the door, wait for you until you're done and take you back. >> stephen: that's both polite and creepy at the same time. >> a little bit of both. >> stephen: four months ago you were kidnapped in syria? >> in december. >> stephen: how did you get awaynd who kidnapped you? >> we were exwoopped by a group called the shabia, a progovernment militia. >> stephen: pro-assad. >> pro-assad. and they were organized. they were very trained. they were waiting for us by the side of the road. as soon as they surrounded our vehicle they loaded us up into a
truck, a container truck, and you knew they were professionals. they had their weapons ready. they had flash. as soon as they closed the container door it went dark. >> stephen: did they know who you were or were you just westerners? >> we were just westerners and they were with a rebel commander we're with. they were organized. and we were there for five days, and then on e-- on the the fifth night, we were freed by a bunch of rebels who were looking for us, and looking for this rebel commander who was also taken. and there was a gunfight, and they we mie us, the shabiha, to yet another of their safe locations, and they hit a checkpoint they weren't anticipating, excnge o fire. two of the kidnappers were killend we got out of the car at that stage and got tken away. >> stephen: are you going to go back? ( lauter ) >> iprably will. i will, eventually.
>> stephen: okay-- >> stephen: why, why would-- listen, i understand, this is your job and everything. but why any to such dangerous places, other than for the-- for the air miles or something like that. >> it's not for the air mles. right now syria isimploding and is in a state of collapse. and that is impacting the entire region. >> stephen: should thenited states get more involved with ria? >> i don't think anybody things getting more involved militarily is a good idea. i have spoken to politicians and the rebels. they don't want u.s. troops to be involve gld that's so great. because i'm ready to push the format button on memorizing the aku-b-abads in my head. i can't remember any more names i can't pronounce. >> a lot of european states, and certainly the syrian people who
aren't aligned with the ernment want to see more pressure put on moscow, and they want more of an ability for the rebels to defend themselves. because right now, there is something of a ve in place by u.s. and other allies to preven a lot of weapons there getting in there with the idea that that ld ma it worse, but it's hard for it to get much worse. >> stephen: when do you go back? >> i just got here! you're sending me out again! i just got here. >> stephen: how long are you going to spend in the united states? >> not very long. >> stephen: you're going to go back overseas soon? >> very soon. >> stephen: this is called the bucket. you put on the bucket, and just send the other side back to syria. think about it? >> it would have made the escape a lot easier. you just turn it off. >> stephen: and you're gone. richard engel, thank you so much for joining me. stay safe. from nbc news, richard engel.
we'll be right back. ( cheers and appl